When My Teen Decided Meditation Wasn't Uncool
I wasn’t practicing mindfulness or meditation when my teenage daughter was little like I was with my other two children, and by the time I started, she was at an age where it was “uncool” to try something new that your mom suggested.
Did that stop me from being a role model for her in mindfulness?
Did it stop me from asking her if I could do a meditation with her before bed when I sensed she was stressed or looping on a problem? Did it stop me from always leading with a question about where her emotional state was in the moment? NOT ONE BIT.
Sometimes she would join me in a meditation, and sometimes she wouldn’t, and that was ok. I just wanted her to know that there were options available for if she felt overwhelmed, stressed or had new teenage feelings and hormones that she needed help regulating. And that is the key point for parents who are struggling with teenagers who won’t give meditation a try. The fact that you let them know that there are options gives them something to grab for if they feel like they are underwater with stress, overwhelm, frustration or sadness and disappointment.
One day, I walked into her room, and she was in her closet.
I asked her what she was doing, and she told me, “I’m making a meditation space for when I need it.” I about fell over, but had to play it cool (as you have to do with teenagers) and told her to let me know if she needed help. She asked if she could have some battery-powered candles for her meditation space, so I giddily ran to get them. When I asked her what prompted this, she shrugged her shoulders and said one of her teachers (whom she loved) mentioned she meditated when feeling stressed, and she knew I meditated, so she thought, why not try?
Now you might be saying, oh my goodness all your hard work preachin’ and teaching and one comment from a teacher did the trick. I don’t see it this way. If you’ve ever read the book, The Tipping Point, by Malcolm Gladwell, you know that there is a tipping point to which things slide into place or the direction you choose. The teacher’s comment was my daughter’s tipping point and I am so grateful for it.
All the time and effort I spent role modeling meditation and mindfulness was laying the foundation for when the tipping point happened.
Had I never introduced the concept of mindfulness, modeled and asked her to do it, lay on her bed with her when she was stressed and asked her to breathe through it while holding her hand, I don’t think she would have given that teacher’s comment any more importance than what was for lunch that day.
The point is, don’t stop trying if you have a tween or teenager that is resistant to meditation.
Keep showing up for them and asking. They are still kids who need guidance and support. Teenagers have a lot of awkward to deal with, and adding something new that takes them out of their comfort zone is REALLY uncomfortable, but you CAN make it more comfortable. How? Let them see meditation is as regular as brushing your teeth. Hearing how mindfulness helps you handle your own emotions gives them hope that they can manage their BIG emotional brain changes.
Teenage suicide is an epidemic. According to the Centers for Disease Control, in the United States, “The suicide rate among persons aged 10–24 was stable from 2000 to 2007, and then increased 56% between 2007 (6.8 per 100,000) and 2017 (10.6) (Figure 1). The pace of increase for suicide was greater from 2013 to 2017 (7% annually, on average) than from 2007 to 2013 (3% annually)”. As parents, we can not just say we hope it doesn’t happen to our kid. We have to be proactive in doing everything we can to help our kids not fall victim to suicide.
Mindfulness Helps Parenting Kids Easier Too
Mindfulness and meditation are tools to help with the overwhelming feelings teenagers face today. As a parent, we have to keep showing up (whether we get turned down or not) with the tools that can help wire their brains to feel calm and under control. If you need more help, reach out. I want every teen to know they have what it takes already inside of them and show them how to use their power to control what life throws at them.
Links were found between mindful parenting, positive parenting practices, and positive parent-teen relationships for both mothers and fathers. This means more mindful moms and dads parented more positively and had better relationships with their teenagers.
Here are other benefits of showing up with mindfulness with teens, including:
If I can do it, I know you can too! And if you need more help past these blogs, reach out! I don’t want to see one more teenager crumble under the pressures they are facing today. Let’s give them the tools they need to succeed.