What does being a superhero of self-regulation look like? If you have read the book, Even Super Heros Have Bad Days by Shelly Becker to your child, you know that even if your day isn’t going the way you want it to, you still have a choice in how to respond. That choice is what makes us super. Being able to self-regulate, or to choose how to respond instead of reacting to our emotions, is a key component superheroes must master. 

Teaching children how to use self-regulation skills, such as mindful breathing, should be as routine as brushing your teeth (or washing your cape). These skills can help them boost mindful self-awareness and social-emotional skills, control emotions and build better relationships with others. Helping children learn to understand and use these skills now lays the neurological foundation for self-control that they will use the rest of their lives.

Four easy ways to begin to teach self-regulation

1. Model and check in with your own feelings. “Wow, that makes me feel so loved and happy when you hug me,” or, “I feel frustrated and sad when you stomp your feet at me.” Expressing emotions often may feel uncomfortable at first if you aren’t used to it, but modeling this behavior to your kids encourages and teaches them that it is ok to do so.

2. Ask your child how they are feeling at various times of the day, not just when they are upset. It doesn’t always have to be a deep discussion, but just bringing awareness to mindfully checking in with how we feel helps us remember that our emotions are part of the human experience. Acknowledging emotions helps us name them, and naming them helps us choose whether we want to continue to feel that way or choose differently. 

3. Teach your child that emotions are happening THROUGH us, not TO us. We are the manifesters of our emotions. Emotions are ok to feel. It’s ok to be angry. It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be frustrated. Emotions will come in, and we have choices in how we want to handle them. Sometimes our best option may be to wait and let them pass through. Sometimes our best choice might be to mindfully breathe, exercise, listen to music, build with some legos or read a book.

4. Words matter. Use words to name emotions and describe how you feel, words for conflict and words to describe caring. Role-play with stuffed animals, read stories about the issues your child may be struggling with, practice ways to express emotions and help children make their point without damaging relationships.