How Setting Expectations With Kids Will Guarantee an Amazing School Year
No matter if you're talking about your workplace, home life, or relationships with others, setting expectations on how you expect things to go determines the chance that things will go smoothly. But even more so, if you set expectations TOGETHER, your chance of success rises dramatically.
I get the opportunity to hear from a lot of parents who are struggling. One of the big struggle areas is routines and meeting expectations. When I hear from parents who have tried unsuccessfully to implement new schedules or systems into their homes, I notice that many skip over the most important part: having conversations with their kids about expectations and routines. Kids need to be a part of the conversation when it comes to structure, not just told what it looks like. To fully buy-in, they need to feel respected and part of the process.
How do you get kids to do jump in? You have to work with the social-emotional side of setting expectations and getting into routines.
As a teacher, I liked to start each year fresh. It doesn’t matter what the previous year’s teacher said about a child or how thick their folder is; each child gets a fresh start in my classroom. Give your child the gift of letting them know that last year's experience doesn’t have to dictate this year's.
Another thing about teachers - they spend an enormous amount of time at the beginning of every year doing two things: setting expectations and creating routines. Why? Because the front end work makes the back end of learning possible. Take this as an example of how you should look at the beginning of this school year from home. When you don’t have clear expectations and routines, you are continually tripping over behavior issues and inconsistency. Everyone will be left feeling like the ship is lost at sea without a captain.
Have a Conversation About Expectations With Your Child
A conversation is a two-way street. Don’t sit your kids down and go in, guns a'blazing with rules and regulations. No one likes being told what to do or how to do it. Co-create these with your child. The key to getting expectations and routines to work is when the kid has buy-in. Sitting down and figuring out what this looks like together helps every child know you are invested, you care about their feelings and you have a plan. (Plans always help kids feel safe in uncertain times).
Before you go into that conversation, sit down with your partner or co-parent (if applicable) and figure out what matters most to you. What needs to be considered non-negotiable? (One such example is no screens until schoolwork is done.) Having the non-negotiables in mind will ensure you set expectations aligned with what matters to you most.
When you're ready to sit down with your child, behavior expectations and learning expectations should be discussed, and boundaries should be considered, including what happens if a child chooses not to follow through on work or is not meeting the expectations.
Do this before school starts. I can’t stress enough that waiting to do this until school is underway will make school routines even more cumbersome and challenging for both you and your child.
Things to Consider When Talking About Expectations With Kids
Here are some questions to talk about when you’re having conversations with your kids about the school year expectations.
What space in the house would you like to sit and work? Is this a conducive environment for optimal learning?
What are you expected to do each day (checklist/schedule) during learning?
How do I need to help you learn?
How and when do we check in with each other?
How does that look?
How do we keep track of learning?
Where are things stored?
What happens if you get done early?
What are the screen time expectations for the day?
How much offline learning is expected (reading, writing on paper, etc.)
What else needs your attention during the day past learning (chores by a specific time, help make dinner, arrange a playdate or play outside)
Help Your Child Develop Expectations into a Routine
When you develop a routine with your child, you help immensely with developing organizational skills by making things streamlined. Routines are habits of our mind, and once they are in place, we tend to do the route without much thought.
A routine most of us have is brushing our teeth twice a day. Once this has developed as a habit, we don’t even question doing it; we just do it. It has become the norm for us. The more we can take items from a checklist and have a consistent routine for handling them with clear, predetermined expectations, the easier it is for everyone.
Brain-Boosting Tip: If testing the waters is a child’s barometer for learning how to be respectful, what is the answer key at your house say? Is it consistent? Does it involve reliable expectations? Check out our SEL Kit Reaching for Respect to take expectations to the next level.
I can’t stress enough that if you have developed expectations, made a routine and know what will happen when expectations are not met, you will be living the parenting easy life. (If you are consistent.) It makes both child and parent’s daily lives more manageable, and it also gives us some brain space to concentrate on learning, freeing our minds to focus on more important or desirable tasks. Getting started the same way every day and moving through the day with structure will help your child feel mentally organized and create less friction and stress.