Looking for an Elf on the Shelf Alternative?

Do you dread that stinking Elf on the Shelf coming down from the North Pole?

Making said Elf do different interesting things, holding it over your kids' heads as the idle threat it is? I mean, aren't the holidays hard enough? We exhaustively drift off to sleep, only to have our eyeballs pop open, heart racing as we remember we didn't move that sucker. Or construct a diorama of elf adventures, or whatever else Pinterest has us feeling like we should do. 

Do you ever feel like the Elf on the Shelf was a good, well-intentioned idea, but now it’s just the 'one more thing' to makes the holidays busy? Is that Elf stealing your joy, and let's be honest, not really keeping your kids in line (minus the five seconds after you threaten them) before the holidays? Me too. I was OVER the dang Elf on the Shelf.

Why I dislike the whole Elf on the Shelf situation.

• My kids see and hear the next level stuff other elves are doing and our Elf, named Mapleton, just can't keep up. He is the slacker elf, and my kids know it. Why doesn't Mapleton construct gumdrop igloos and pour flour all over the floor and ice skate in it? Why is Mapleton in the same spot again? We have a 'keeping up with the Jones'' situation with an ELF. The exact opposite message I want to instill in my kids.

• The Elf on the Shelf concept is fear-based. Fear-based behavior plans don't work long term or teach your kid anything other than how to avoid punishment. It doesn't actually change the behavior. It shows you how to get really good at being sneaky, so you don't get caught. That's how fear-based behavior modifications work. It is ineffective and elicits a stress response in your kid. Yes, a stress response. You aren't the only one spiking your cortisol level with that darn elf, your kids are too.

• It also trains kids to stay just above the imaginary line of acceptable behavior. Mapleton doesn't teach my kids how to be better than they are, just how to be "good enough" to not get a message sent to the North Pole.

If your goal is to raise stressed, sneaky avoiders, then, by all means, set that creepy Elf up. If your goal is to decrease stress while you increase love and kindness (which will wire your kids' brains to be empathetic and helpful), do something easier. Don't give your parenting power to an elf.

Just think, if you were hired to do a job and there was a small person-like entity that watched your every move, reporting the minute you screwed up, which would garnish your paycheck, would you want to work there? Would you feel pressure? The stress of those beady little eyes waiting for you to fail? Would you start to question your every move? Would you second guess yourself more often and begin to have mental breakdowns every time you did make a mistake?   

We have wrapped the Elf on the Shelf up in Christmas magic, but there is nothing magical about it.

The entire situation is more like having your kid in a classroom where the teacher threatens to send them to the principal all day. As any teacher or parent can tell you, that is ineffective teaching. How do we gain our sanity back and stop making our kids look over their shoulders? How about parenting from the kindness that helps kids build the skills they need to increase empathy? Building the part of the brain that will actually cause your child to pause and think about how their behaviors affect others? Let me give you a little secret from my mom and teacher bag of tricks that will bring in joy and keep fear-based parenting out. 

Kindness Elves: The Perfect Elf on the Shelf Alternative.

Never heard of them? I hadn't either. They’re made by Imagination Tree (which was started by a mom). They’re UK based, but ship world-wide. Like Elf on the Shelf, there is the book, the kit and the elves. And while I understand it's a product I am promoting, this is not a sponsored post. My wanting to share it with you really truly comes from the heart of helping kids and parents out.

What Makes Kindness Elves Better than Elf on the Shelf

• Kindness elves are non-denominational. Their cute story isn't even tied into the holidays, which means you can give them to anyone and put them away or pull them out whenever you need more kindness in your home. Unlike the Elf on the Shelf, you will want these cuties to come back more often than once a year.

• They teach kids to be kind and look for kindness. Instead of looking for "naughty" things kids do, kindness elves look for the good. Then, they take that goodness up to Cloud 9 (I mean, could it be cuter?) where they have their lab to turn those good deeds and actions into magical kindness for the whole world.  

• They empower kids! They teach your kids to look at themselves as world peace and kindness ambassadors who can make a difference through their kind deeds.

• You don't have to move them. I mean, you could if you like making giant flour ice skating rinks (you do you), but if you are over it, just leave them where they are OR bring them with you. I am sure The Kindness Elves would love to go to Target and help you have a more peaceful shopping experience.

Before you pull that Elf on the Shelf out, consider these three things: 

1. What am I really trying to teach my kids? Do I want to give my parenting power away to an inanimate object to be the judge of punishment?

2. If someone asked me if I would let an elf be in charge of disciplining my kids any other time of year, would I say yes? Or allow a creepy elf to look through my windows and see if my kids are doing what they are supposed to be doing? That's a no.

3. What do I want my kid's memories of the holidays to feel like when they are older?

If you already have an Elf on the Shelf that your kids have grown attached to, let's be clear: they are attached to that Elf because that Elf is connected to Santa. Kids love Santa. The Elf is simply the middle man.

My kids still like Mapleton; he has just been demoted. The past couple of years, Santa has reassigned Mapleton to other duties. Two years ago, he was assigned to watch the dog's behavior while the kindness elves were sent to boost Christmas love and cheer. Last year, Santa had Mapleton monitor candy intake. Santa would directly correlate how much candy each kid got based on how much they had already eaten. (Santa believes in occasional treats but not in Halloween to Christmas candy binges.) 

Because Mapleton is demoted, the kids don't care if he moves. They are much more excited to see if the Kindness Elves wrote them back. Oh yes, the Kindness Elves also promote writing skills. There is a pre-made card that you can just set out to "write back" to your kids. Getting those academics in with no extra work if you just want to go to sleep for the love of Christmas.

There you have it, my parenting and kindness-based hack that will having you fa-la-la-loving the holidays and elves again!